The Shame

My wife discovered pornography on my smart phone.  If this experience was the first time it could almost be understood.  However, it has happened before.  And before that time.  And even before that.

Understandably, my wife is very upset with me.  There’s not much of an excuse that I can give her.  How can I explain to her that I’m still struggling with a problem that I should have dealt with years ago?

I have gone over the issue a million times in my mind.  I’m to the point of being weary.  I don’t like that I’ve been weak and have given into temptation over and over again.  I feel shame.  Is it because I was caught?  Or is it because I am truly contrite?

The reality is is that despite all the promises and commitments I’ve made in the past, I still find myself struggling with pornography.  I don’t know if it’s because I have an overactive imagination or an overactive sex drive.  It’s a struggle to say no to something that I’ve been exposed to for so many years.

I can’t use that as an excuse anymore, however.  That’s not to say that I ever could.  But the moment I committed myself to Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I should have also committed myself to denying myself, taking up my cross, and following Jesus.  I guess I thought I did.  However, the realization has come to me that this is a daily commitment and I need to turn to Jesus every day if I’m going to live a life of sacrifice and victory through Christ.

But what I’ve come to realize is that I had only partially surrendered to Christ.  What I mean by that is that I have tried, whether subconsciously or not, to keep a part of my old self.  But what surrendering to Jesus requires is all of me.

So that is where I am.  I’m committed to walking in the light.  I no longer wish to have this dirty little secret.  What about you?  Are you still trying to hold on to your past life?  Or are you tired of the constant cycle of sin, confess, sin, and confess?  If so, may I suggest surrendering all to Jesus?

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The Blame

What is the major struggle against purity in our culture?  Is it the onslaught of soft porn on our televisions, in the movies, and in advertisements all throughout magazines, billboards, and store displays?  Is it the state of our culture where women no longer feel modesty is important?  It’s difficult to drive down the street or walk through a mall and not be tempted to lust in our hearts against the images we see.  That’s not to mention the obvious places like beaches and swimming pools where modesty is out the window.

I could probably go down the list of all the areas of temptation.  The point is is that the problem is very real and very difficult to deal with.  I would say that any man that doesn’t struggle with this in our culture either lives in a cave or isn’t being honest with himself.  That’s not to say that there aren’t men of integrity that are able to shield their eyes or keep their thoughts from straying.  I’m only saying it’s a greater struggle because of how prevalent the images are.

I, for one, didn’t have a very good start nor did I have someone to help me think correctly about sex as I went through adolescence.  As a result, I believe that by being exposed to pornography for such a long period of time has made it even more difficult for me to pull away in the present.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go for the psychology where my parents and my upbringing are the reasons for all my failures.  They have played a part in shaping my thinking and my worldview but I’m responsible for my choices and ultimately will be accountable for my sin.

What about you?  Do you think that you’re not responsible for your choices and behavior?  It’s so easy to get caught up in that way of thinking.  Obviously, it would “feel” better if it was someone else’s fault.  But what does the Bible say?  It doesn’t matter what I tell you.  However, if God says that you alone will give an account for the choices you’ve made, wouldn’t you agree that it does no good to play the blame game?

The Purpose

This blog is designed to help other men, as well as myself, in the area of sexual purity.  I am not an expert in psychology, therapy, or religion.  I’m just a guy who has gone through many difficult experiences and hopes to lock arms with other men in this battle against sexual immorality.

I plan on writing many of my thoughts while interjecting the experiences of my past or even my present as I write in regards to the struggles I have faced or am facing.  My hope is that by sharing some of these experiences that it may help open some eyes and maybe show that what someone else may be going through is not so uncommon.

To start off with I am a Christian man who has struggled with the issue of pornography for over 30 years.  I haven’t been a Christian that long.  It’s how long I’ve dealt with this problem.

Pornography is a strange topic.  Even the word has a negative connotation to it akin to curse words.  It might even be considered worse than a swear word.  Many people avoid the word and/or topic and it is often referred to by other names or suggestive terminology as to not mention the word at all.

Pornography, with all its gore, has come to deserve its much known reputation.  Not that I want to get into some kind of history lesson on this subject but it can’t be ignored either.  It’s a reality that has infected not only our culture but within the supposedly “safe” confines of the church as well.  I’ve known many men who have or are struggling with pornography.  It needs to be discussed, confronted, and dealt with if men and women alike are going to get help and healing from its effects.

That is really the whole point of this blog.  Pornography is only one area of sexual immorality.  There are many others.  I have some experience in some of these other areas.  I may talk about them.  But the point is that if I can expose this dirty little secret, this hidden sin, and bring it out in the open maybe it’ll be a subject that will no longer hold men and women captive.  And believe me, it’s a sin that we’ll go to great lengths to avoid and keep secret.

So whether you’re struggling with this same issue or have something to add to the conversation, please feel free to say what is on your mind.  Maybe we can help each other.  On that note, I do want to say that if the conversation gets graphic or things are said that is not helpful or is inappropriate I will do what I can to delete those comments.  With that said, thank you for being here and I hope you find this blog edifying and/or informative.